May 4, 2005
OF COURSE FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Clingland’s Music Rag, NMA has just announced that the Dung Beatles have abruptly cancelled appearances at the Reading and Leeds festivals to appear instead at Emo’s in Austin, Texas on Thursday May 26th, after a heated dispute with some co-headliners also slated to perform. Stall McFartney has downplayed the incident as “ a strained development with no give or take happening on both ends”, but John has not been so casual with his assessment on the circumstances leading to the pop group’s decision to pull out. “Fuck Pantz Turdinand and the horse they rode in on!”, he was quoted saying early yesterday evening at Ye Cracke Pub in Colonpool. “Pink Roid and the fucking Colon Stones were opening for us when those rat bastards were just gleams in some Scottish drunkards’ eyes! Coldspray can also get fucked. I’d rather go to the dentist than hear that goddamn “Clocks” song any day of the week!” When asked if there were any new bands that he did fancy, he replied bleakly, “ I dunno. I guess Death From Above 1979 are fairly competent. I also quite like Gorillaz. They really know how to throw it out there into a crowd.”

Dung Beatles will perform at 9:30 PM at Emo’s Thursday May 26th with What Made Milwaukee Famous, Britt Daniel, and Sally Crewe and The Sudden Moves

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May 19, 2004

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Dung Beatles Flushed in Shame

A.Pee. Newswire: Austin's most loved transplants from Colonpool Clingland, the Dung Beatles, were a bit ruffled last night after they were booked for a movie production kick-off party, only to be dropped from the bill hours later, with an unceremonious plop.

The boys seemed reluctant to spew any details but we managed to squeeze this log of events via a telethrone interview:

AP: What was the sequence of events that led to the sudden cancellation?

Stall: We still don't undergland it really.
Dungo: Yeah, we thought it was a dung deal, y'know?
Gorge: The whole thing is a shitemare.

AP: Would such a high profile show have benefited sales for the band's latest album, "Ass Masters: The Early Smears?"

Stall: Snatcurally it woud've. But from what we've heard, Wyblowna Ryder hasn't got two pee to rub together for a disc anyhow.
Gorge: We've not really been huge glands of Dick Stinklater's films for the most fart.
Stall: Yeah, when it comes to derection, we much prefer Dick M'lester's much bigger and more experienced staff. He gets us to push the most out of ourselves.
John: except for Dungo, who pushed a wurst out by craccident.
Dungo: M'lester really seeps us as fartists.

LV: Are you lads disappointed that you won't be performing for the stars of the film?

Dungo: Not as disappointed as the Queef of Clingland was when we pulled out on her last shite at about 9 B.M.
Stall: Yeah, right. We were slated to play the Royal Philatium this Shaturday. Until we canceled for Dick.
John: I'm sad to know that now I'll never get a big Woody. Harrelson fartograph, that is.

LV: Any last thoughts on the matter?

Stall: It's a hummer that they don't want us to play
their dick-off. Perhaps they'll ask us for the crap-up potty.

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